The Kindergarten Political Test

Having a hard time deciding where you lie on the political spectrum? Try the kindergarten test below and see which one you like best:

1) Fascist Kindergarten: You show up on Day 1 and all the kids wearing pink are stripped of their belongings and marched off to indefinite detention. You pick up a nice set of "Hello Kitty" earrings and some juice filled fruit snacks. You're nervous about what to wear tomorrow.

2) Socialist Kindergarten: In order to promote an equality of outcomes, the teacher confiscates half of the assignments and test scores of high achieving students and redistributes them to under performers. High achievers are labeled as "privileged" and "pretentious", childish forms of the mature vice "greed", and learn the joys of "sharing". Mysteriously, there have been fewer and fewer high test scores to redistribute and the teacher confiscates more and more in order to stay above her mandated minimum C- average. To avoid ruin, assignments and test scores must be forfeited by children at the end of the school year and are then redistributed among the next year's newcomers.

The free trade of lunch items with children from other classes is strictly prohibited to avoid competition with the school vending machine, where food costs 3X the market price and carries only zero trans fat and organic foodstuffs

3) Capitalist Kindergarten: If you brought a lunch to school, you get to eat it. You can consensually trade a lunch item with any other child from any other class. If you skipped out on Xbox for an hour last night to finish your homework assignment, you get to keep the grade you receive. All of your grades and assignments accumulate and stay with you as you progress from grade to grade. Children are taught to share items and help tutor each other. Some do and some don't. Children are encouraged to read well, behave themselves, and work hard. Some do and some don't. The class has a B- average.

4) Tyrannical Kindergarten: You show up hoping that you're on the bully's good side today. You aren't, and get ridiculed, spit on, and have to sit on the floor all day while one of the bully's cronies rests his feet on your chair.

5) Anarchic Kindergarten: You walk in the door and start screaming like everyone else. The teacher vacillates between a cowering wretch and a vicious, lash-delivering banshee.